Readings: Psalm 150, Acts 5:27-32, Revelation 1:4-8, John 20:19-31
Preached at Bridgehampton Presbyterian Church, NY, April 24, 2022
17th day of the first month - Nisan.
It's not easy being a twin! Particularly when you have a sister like Lysia. I mean we get on pretty well most of the time, as well as any sister and brother, but I sometimes think that when it comes to the commonsense department, my twin sister is severely lacking. She never seems to think things through. She changes her mind as readily as the wind changes direction. One moment it's, "Oh, I'm going to do this" the next it's "Oh, we don't do that anymore... that's so old!". Why can't she plan ahead? If I told her the world was made of goats’ cheese, then she'd probably believe me! Head in the clouds. I do love her. But I also fear for her. She is so gullible.
Last day of Nisan.
Lysia is taking me to meet this guy from Nazareth tomorrow. It's kind of a job I have to do. Look out for suitable marriage partners for my dear sister. But she keeps telling me "No, it's not like that!" and that I need to hear the things this man talks about. When I ask her what sort of things she just says "Well, God things, religion, but all sort of new and different, not like in synagogue". Oh, Lysia! Not another fly by night preacher filling your head with empty dreams. It is probably some cult or sect trying to make their leader rich by preying on people’s gullibility.
A week later
Today I went back to see the Rabbi Jesus again. For once Lysia was right. He really is different. My conversations with Him are causing me to evaluate a whole host of things in my life. He rightly speaks of the moral bankruptcy of much current religious practice and His insight to the scriptures is both startling and refreshing. Of course, I do not go along with everything He says (Some of it is more obscure than believable) but do His words make sense? He is honest, He really cares, He is not afraid to speak out His truth despite the consequences. I find Him answering questions that are forming in my mind before I have even opened my mouth to speak them out. He really is worth paying attention to.
The middle of Iyyar.
It is now or never. Many times, I have wondered how best I should spend my days. I have always had this nagging uncertainty about my current work. Now, the Rabbi Jesus, whose words are changing the way I see all things, is taking His message to a wider audience, calling others to share with Him in the work. He challenged me. I can still hear his word, "Thomas, are you with me?" Heart and soul cry out "Yes". But can I leave everything? What of Lysia? Can the rest of the family manage? "Trust God" He said. It's not that easy. He doesn't know my sister like I do. Should I go?
Two years later
It has been two years now since I left everything behind. I made the right choice. At home things are fine. Lysia is settled with a good husband. And I am learning so much. I have witnessed things that I would not have believed if I had not seen them with my own eyes. Deaf people restored to hearing. The blind see. The lame walk. "These are signs" Jesus is teaching us "Of the Kingdom, Revelations of God's Presence". When you balance the deeds done, with the words spoken, it all makes sense. I tell you though, I would find it hard to believe these things were it not for what I now know of the One who is instrumental in causing them to happen.
A few weeks prior to Passover
I sometimes wonder where the commitment of the others of our group really lies. Surely, they listened that time Jesus told us about counting the cost. Today a weird sequence of events. We were busy when a message reached us that Lazarus, a great friend of Jesus had died. We had heard he was ill, but Jesus had said that it was going to be O.K. Some of the Jews in Judea where Lazarus lived with Mary and sister Martha had turned hostile towards us. They threatened to stone us to death if we went back there. Jesus told us straight; “Lazarus has died, and I was glad that I was not there - for your sakes, that you may learn to believe." Then He said, "Let's go". I do not understand why the others were so hesitant. We knew it was going to be dangerous. We knew that a revolution was taking place. Now, I have no death wish, but if Jesus says go, then I will go. Even if it costs my life. Didn't the others realize the depth of commitment Jesus was asking of them? "Come on" I told them, "Let us go and face the stones if that's what it takes". So glad we did. Amazing things took place. Lazarus came walking out the grave alive. I am still trying to think it through myself!
Festival time.
Things are becoming intense. We came into Jerusalem last night, in time for the Passover festival. Some people gave Jesus a hero’s welcome, but others are all out to get Him. And He knows it. At Supper last night, Jesus spoke about betrayal and death, about how serving Him would bring trouble, not just blessing. He shamed us all by taking a bowl and washing our feet - telling us that if we want to be great then we must serve each other. Before and after supper He took bread and wine and spoke about His body being broken and His blood poured out.
Like I say, things are intense right now. Troubles coming. I do not know how this is all going to end up. Jesus was saying to Peter that He had to go away somewhere, somewhere where we could not go right now, but could go along later. It was all so confusing. It was almost like a farewell party!
Trouble is, I really do not know where my life is heading. I was getting real upset. We all were. Jesus must have sensed it. "Don't be distressed" He said. "Put your faith in me - I'm going ahead of you to prepare a place for you - You know where I am going, and you know the way I'm going to take".
Thing is, I don't know where He's going. When I asked Him to explain, all He did was smile at me and say that He was the way... and truth and life as well. That if we had known His Father, then we'd know where He was going... and something about how because we'd been with Him all this time, we had seen the Father. I am more than a little confused. Why does He speak in riddles all the time?
Passover Day.
This has been the darkest day of my life. I knew trouble was coming. How did things spiral out of control so quickly? I underestimated the hatred and cruelty of even those who profess to be children of God. I cannot even bear to write of these cruel events. How could they take my Jesus in such a way, crucified like a common criminal!
My faith is in tatters.
I am so scared.
Three days later.
Still reeling from all that has happened. Most of us are hiding out. What a mistake. Three years of my life spent for what? It's hard to believe. Even harder to swallow is the reaction of some of the women. They told us today that Jesus had risen from death. Sure girls, that nail scarred, sword pierced corpse that has rotted in the tomb for the last three days is walking round town as if nothing had happened! I guess we all must deal with this thing in our own way. But deluding ourselves into thinking that He is still with us is not the way forward. I can understand it. Sometimes intense grief produces a corresponding action. I feel sorry for them. I just hope they get over it soon.
Four days later.
Can you believe it? Now Peter and the other disciples are saying the same thing as those poor deluded women. I think I am the only one here who has not lost their capacity for reasonable thinking. They are even quoting scriptures at me and telling me that Jesus said this was what was going to happen. I remember Him talking about dying and being raised on the third day, but surely, as any sane person would agree, He was speaking about the afterlife, not coming back to haunt us like a ghost or an apparition. As I told them today, "Unless I see in His own hands the mark of the nails, and put my finger where the nail was, and put my hand into His side, I will never believe." I think the lot of them have lost it. Just as well I am here to run around getting provisions and seeing to business. It will pass. They will come back to reality sooner or later. They must.
Just over a week later.
We were in the room. The doors were locked. Next minute, there is Jesus standing there, saying, "Peace be with you". "Put your finger here" He said to me, " Know me by the scars, See and touch, don't doubt any more. Believe." And I thought the others were the ones who were deluded! It all made sense. I fell to my knees before Him and worshiped. Despite all I have previously written, Christ is risen. He seemed almost surprised that it took such a thing to make a believer of me. "How happy" he said, "Are those who have never seen me and yet have believed”.
Again though, I am in somewhat of a dilemma. Where to from here? "Wait in Jerusalem", He told us, "Then power will come upon you to be witnesses to all people". It all sounds so straightforward when I read back over the pages of this diary. Looking back is so much easier than looking forward into the unknown.
I guess all faith is a bit like that. It is something that gradually builds up around our lives. Something happens to us. It changes the way we see things. Sometimes it makes the unbelievable believable. But that step is just a step-in preparation for the next thing that God wants to show us.
I never thought for one moment that, when my twin sister Lysia took me to meet this guy who knew a bit about religion, that I would be so taken by His teachings. I never thought of myself as a follower, more of a free thinker, but when something comes along that so radically alters your perception of life, you are challenged to go further. As you go on in that journey of faith there are always such tremendous surprises around the next turn.
Defeated sinners becoming confident Saints.
Kings becoming servants and servants becoming Kings.
Crucifixions turning to Resurrections.
Laughter breaking forth from desolate empty tombs.
God in Christ.
Christ in us, alive and leading us forward.
As Jesus said, "You must not doubt. Believe."
Lord, I believe.
I believe.
I believe.
I believe.
"You must not doubt. Believe."
The Reverend Adrian J. Pratt B.D.
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